Essay Tips & Examples

standardized test essay tips Keep it simple and don’t be too creative. The standard five paragraph essay format is the most reliable way to score well. Take a few minutes to outline your thoughts before your write. You certainly don’t need a formal structure with roman numerals, but you should have a clearly formulated thesis and know what each paragraph will accomplish. Your thesis should take a strong position on the topic. Either agree or disagree – don’t try to argue both sides. Avoid paint-by-numbers introductions: I {agree/disagree} with {restatement of topic} because {general reason}. I will show that this is {true/false} using examples from {example one}, {example two} and {example three.} Provide a context for your essay and speak generally about why you feel as you do. Why have you chosen these topics? The strongest examples are drawn from literature or history, but only if you know what you’re writing about. You can still get a 12 using solely personal examples. Don’t feel that you need to use three different examples. Without effective transitions, which are difficult to write, an essay can become disjointed. Sometimes thoroughly examining a single example in several paragraphs allows a more compelling story to unfold. Avoid contemporary political and religious examples about which a grader could hold a strong emotional view. Write legibly: the most finely crafted essay won’t score well if the reader can’t understand it. Make sure your essay is at least 1 ½ pages long – even if you have to write larger to get there. If you run out of time, end your essay in mid-sentence. Make sure the grader doesn’t think you’re done example essays 1 Topic: Is deceit ever justified? Score: 8 Tips: Expand introduction, maintain good paragraph structure, use better transitions. I agree with the statement that sometimes it is necessary to be deceitful. There are some situations in history and the present in which certain necessary tasks can only be achieved through deceit. Throughout the Holocaust, in order for a Jew to survive, deceit was almost always necessary. During the Holocaust there were a number of Christians that recognized how evil Hitler was and decided to allow some Jews to live in their houses so they wouldn’t get killed. In these cases deceit was absolutely necessary. Nazis would search around their houses all the time and in order for the Jews to stay alive it was necessary for the homeowners to hide the Jews and to lie to the Nazis. In a case such as this one deceit is permissible because it is deceit in order to do what is moral, it is not deceit out of malice. Another case in which deceit is permissible is when taking care if children because you know better than them. Most small children hate taking vitamins or any type of medicine. In order to make the whole process of keeping children healthy easier deceit is necessary. When I was younger I hated taking medicine and refused to do it. In order to get me to take my medicine without a fight, my mother would hide my medicine in applesauce without me knowing. She was deceitful in order to keep me happy and healthy. In the two examples I discussed, the act of being deceitful was necessary and was used for good and not for evil. Being deceitful is ok in cases such as those but there is a fine line which the act of deceit become wrong and unjust. Deceit is a dangerous and powerful thing. And it is necessary top evaluate every situation to decide whether or not deceit is truly necessary, or if it is just a selfish way of protecting yourself from punishment. 2 Topic: Censorship is sometimes necessary to protect the public. Score: 5 Tips: Weak examples. Avoid emotional pleas and provide logical reasoning. I agree with the statement that censorship is necessary. There are some cases in which it is not necessary for the general public to be told in graphic detail what is going on. Also in terms of censorship on TV and in music, it is unnecessary and immoral for children to be able to turn on the TV or the radios and hear or see things that they are too young for. Throughout the Vietnam War, things were shown on TV that the public did not want to see or hear about. There was a lack of censorship throughout that war which led to a number of problems. Throughout that war the news showed almost everything. It was possible that someone would turn on the news and see very graphic pictures of a dead soldier or something else equally horrifying. It is possible that the lack of censorship in this war played a large pare in the amount of anti-war protests and illegal activity that occurred in order to dodge the draft. Today in the entertainment industry, things that are available to the general puclic are carefully censored and with good reason There are many rules about what can and cannot be shown on TV and when these rules are broken such as last year during the superbowl halftime show, there are consequences. Last year, the halftime show was live so when Janet Jackson had a mishap with her clothing the TV station did not have time to censor it. Because of that, there was a lot of controversy, and the supervowl halftime show is no longer live. People do not want their children seeing inappropriate things on TV which is why there are rules and regulations placed on the stations. Censorship is meant to protect the public. Each, individual has the right to raise their children at the rate at which they please or to let the government do their job without becoming personally involved. TV is meant to inform the general public, not to scare them or insult them. 3 Topic: Any advance involves some loss. Score: 6 Tips: Examples have no detail. Too many short examples. Essay lacks strong introduction or conclusion. Short. I agree that one must have some losses or set backs in order to advance and achieve. Learning from ones mistakes is an important process in order to succeed. In science experiments loss is where the scientist can interpret the data and eventually discover new laws. Einstein, the greatest scientist of the 20th century, spent years learning from his mistakes. Improving on where he went wrong is what lead to his discovery of E=MC^2 In sports many great athletes go through difficulties in order to succeed. Micheal Jordan in high school went through an extreme loss when he did not make the varsity basketball team. From there he pushed himself hard. Today Jordan is one of the greatest basketball players that ever walked the earth. During World War II the United States had many times where they though they were going to be defeated by the Germans because of military losses. Working hard to gain land back, the United States eventually beat the Germans. In order to achieve one’s goal one must work hard. Going through a loss while trying to succeed is what drives a person to achieve. 4 Topic: Any advance involves some loss. Score: 10 Tips: Well written personal examples can score well. Any advance involves some loss. Invariable there is some price to be paid, even if the price is an opportunity cost. As a person who appreciates both sports and music, I have often suffered the musical losses of my athletic advances. I am neither a great athlete nor musician. I am, as my friends would say, completely adequate. However, I am passionate. This spring I made the varsity tennis steam. It was, for me, a great success. Granted, I am the twelfth man on my team. My role is essentially varsity ball-boy, but, nonetheless, I am happy to be on the team. The team will likely make it to state playoffs, my tennis is improving, and I like both the coach and most of my teammates. Regrettable, my advance has not been without a loss. I love to sing. I am in the school choir and have been in several musicals. Unfortunately, it is not possible to attend tennis practice and play rehearsals. So, this year I had to forgo the school play. This was particularly difficult as this year a show was west side story. In addition to being an incredibly cool show, West Side Story also had great dance sequences. Also, being a Shark or a Jet seems eminently more fun than being the typical sailor or townsperson of , say, Anything Goes, or Oklahoma. Thus, making the tennis team imposed a very real loss: I couldn’t be part of this years school play. 5 Topic: A hero is someone who never gives up, despite the odds. Score: 6 Tips: Trite. Examples have no depth. If I could put one person in the “Hall of Heroes” I would put my mother. To me, she is the greatest thing that ever walked the earth and the person I want to be. My hero did not win on the battlefield, she is not an astronaut, and is not a national known peace maker, my hero is someone who is caring, loving, and supportive. For the past 16 years my mother has been there for me for everything. She has shown me her love in many ways. Helping me with my homework, helping me practice my sports, helping me with my piano notes, or even helping me learn to spell, my mother has always been there. She can do everything; this is an attribute only a hero can have. Every morning as I leave for school my mom tells me she loves me. When I say goodbye on the phone or when she puts me to bed she tells me how special I am to her. Even when my mom is mad she is still there to love me. Knowing that my mom is there for me no matter what makes her a hero in my heart. When I would get a bad grade on a test, my mother would be there to support me as I recovered. If I got in a fight with my friends, my mother will always be there to listen to my problems. Only a hero would be able to be a good listener. Without my hero, my mom, my life would be completely different. She is my hero, the person I look up to, and hope to be like someday. 6 Topic: Only conflict can make one stronger. Score: 8 Tips: Avoid controversial issues. What matters is the ability to deal with conflict, not the absence of conflict. Throughout history, conflict has always been present in society. Curing President George W. Bush’s administration alone, the United States has been attacked and threatened by terrorists. President Bush’s ability to deal with conflicts has enabled the United States to Progress. In response to the September 11th terrorist attacks against the United States, President Bush, along with Congress, had enacted the Patriot Act to fight the growing threat of terrorism. The Patriot Act gives broad powers to the executive branch of the United States to combat terrorism and p5rotect the United States. The Patriot Act enables the government to proactively search for terrorist by allowing the federal government to wiretap people’s phone lines, monitor people’s emails, and to bypass the bureaucratic red tape by empowering the government to search people’s pessestion, if the government has reasonable suspicions. The government’s ability to deal with conflict seem to be effective. A few months ago, the government caught and prevented a group of terrorists in Buffalo from executing its plan to attack the United States. Conflict has always been present, it would be nieve to believe that conflict will disappear. What matters for a government, or any group, is to have the ability to adapt to a conflict, rather than to hope that conflict will disappear. Presently, it seems that the patriot Act has made the nation safer. Since its enactment no major terrorist attacks have been committed against the Continental United States. Through the Patriot Act and the government’s ability to adapt and deal with conflicts, the United States is safer. 7 Topic: A person’s greatest strength can also be his greatest weakness. Score: 11 Tips: One well done example is sufficient. Varying sentence structure and a high level of diction are a plus. A person’s greatest strength can also be his greatest weakness. Those qualities which make him effective can also undercut his best efforts. The powerful intellect and erudition of Adlai Stevenson is one such example. Senator from New York, Adlai Stevenson, made three unsuccessful bids for the American Presidency. Respected by friend and foe alike, Stevenson was a highly effective legislator whose natural gifts served him well in the US congress. His intelligence and insight to contributed to his distinguished career in the Senate. As chair of the Senate Finance Committee, he --- balanced the competing demands of fiscal conservatism, burgeoning military spending, and expansive social programs. Alas, however well his intellect served him in the Senate, it was ultimately his undoing in his fruitless bids for the oval office. Though his erudition was effective and well-received in the -------air of the 1950’s and 60’s Senatorial chambers, they were more a hindrance in his campaigning for President. Unfortunately for Stevenson, he was perceived too smart, more a Harvard professor than a responsive politician. Although the days of Tamany hall were well behind them, American politicians in the 1960’s still need to create a level of intimacy. Stevenson’s intellect made the average voters feel he was not like them. He was too smart. Although John F. Kennedy was not simpleton, he managed a persona imbued with intelligence that did not ------- as Steven’s did. Ultimately, Steven’s greatest strength was also his greatest weakness. It took him for, but not as far as he had hoped. 8 Topic: A single event can alter the course of history. Score: 11 Tips: Great details and clear exposition. Strong introduction and conclusion. The splitting of the atom and the subsequent development of nuclear power and weaponry has had a profound and lasting change on the world and its inhabitants. The ramifications of this development include a rewriting of the rules of diplomacy and military engagement, a new world order exemplified by the cold war and the new future of human civilization. The splitting of the atom created the potential of seemingly limitless power and destruction. With the advent of nuclear weaponry, the prevailing rules and tactics of war were turned on their head. Although technology had begun to replace manpower as the principal source of power even in WWI, the nuclear bombs accelerated this change nearly infinitely. Assured destruction now becomes possible, as was first demonstrated at Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Not only had war changed, but also strategy and diplomacy. “Mutually assured destruction”, meant that deterrence became the preeminent tactic in power relations. Moreover, as the gulf in power between nuclear and non-nuclear countries, had now widened dramatically, covert operations and terrorism as methods of conflict proliferated as weaker powers sought new ways to win. This new paradigm of deterrence and small-scale skirmishes became the norm as a new balance of power developed, pitting the US and its allies against the USSR and its communist allies. The cold war described the situation where conflict was feared because of the power and fear of use of these new weapons. Each side feared the others destructive potential so much that a madly escalating arms race became the modus operandi, whereby weapons never intended to be used were developed to prevent the other from using its. The USSE-US relationship has subsequently warned, but both sides are still greatly affected by its weaponry. Each fears the rogue forces which constantly seek nuclear power, whether stolen or self created. Moreover, mankind itself will spend centuries trying to adequately house, recycle or dispose of nuclear byproducts and waste. Surely, the splitting of the atom has had a profound and long-term effect. 9 Topic: It is always better to follow the will of the majority. Score: 11 Tips: Effective introduction. Good transition between detailed examples. Powerful conclusion. Though democracy is considered by many to have been the greatest achievement of our people and time, there are instances in which the opinion of the majority is not the best representation of what is right and what is wrong. Modern literature shows us that the majority does not always support that which is morally just. Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harried Beecher Stowe follows the live of a black slave in the late 1800’s/early 1900’s. At that time, slavery was a widely accepted ideal. Those who protested and fought to improve the lives of blacks were few and wide spread. Stowe shows us the horrors that the protagonist “Uncle Tom” suffers at the hands of the white majority. Tom is separated from his family, sold at numerous auctions, lied to, and finally beaten to death. How can actions so inhumane be considered right? Though the white slaveholders saw nothing wrong with their actions towards Tom, the minority (slaves) knew slavery was in just. Today, selling human life is considered on of the greatest offences imaginable. Farenheight 451 by Ray Bradbuy illustrates another situation in which the majority represents the wrong. Montag (the main character) is a fireman living and working in a world that singes books. The opinion is that books contain ideas that provoke divisions among the people of the world. Therefore, firemen burn books in order 5o keep the peace. But nothing can be learned in a world that is all sunshine and daisies. “Montag” learns this over the course of the novel and attempts to save the world’s books. He joins a small group of pariahs who are trying to memorize the literature of the world so that it won’t be forgotten. In this novel, the opinion of the majority supports the making of a big mistake, one that could destroy human life. It is the nature of humans to do what they believe shields them from harm; humans support that which is in their own interest But sometimes you have to blow things up to make them better. The majority is sometimes a poor guide to follow because it often supports the safe side of the argument (take slavery and burning books). Humans need to remember that sometimes the most hated ideas (like emancipation), are actually the best for them. Therefore, we must always hear and consider the opinion of the minority. It just might save our lives. 10 Topic: Simple problems can have complicated solutions. Score: 11 Tips: Well developed story using vivid and detailed examples. When I was six years old, my greatest desire was to be able to play the piano. I would to go my grandmother’s house every weekend and bang, not play, the keys of her piano. Experimenting with the foot pedals delighted me, especially when I used them with the low keys, I could make a thunderous boom which resonated throughout the house. . My parents decided that with a child so willed by music, it would be best to sign me up with a local teacher for piano lessons. While playing—or banging—the piano seemed so simple at my grandmother’s house where I played only the keys I wanted and combined them in various chords of my own choosing, piano lessons with Mrs. Harman were an entirely different matter. As soon as I sat down on her green padded piano stool, she presented me with three books filled with lines and lines of black circles with bars attached to them and mysterious symbols scattered throughout the liens. It was the most complicated mess I had ever seen. Being the stubborn, free-spirited child that I was, I adamantly refused over a three year period to learn to read music. The notes were so foreign to me that I relied entirely on my natural musical ear to tune myself. The problem there was that Mrs. Harman discovered after my second lesson that was tone deaf. I came to detest piano lessons. They were always filled with frustration at the complexity of the music and ridicule at my inaptitude. Mrs. Harman told me that I was the second lease talented piano student she had ever taught (she never told me who the lease talented, but I suspect that it may be my father). Because of the frustrating hours spend trying to actually play complicated songs, with complex note structure the way I played my grandmother’s piano when I was six, I became disillusioned with music. I quit piano lessons and have rarely sat down at a piano since then. It was a shame, because when I was little, in my own mind at least, I was so good. Some situations that first appear simple or dear turn out to be complicated or ambiguous. One such situation was my experience with piano playing and music lessons. Better scores. Better choices.