LifeChangeConnection Ltd. 07590 806380 Http://www.lifechangeconnection.com 1 The presuppositions of NLP If you’re new to NLP, here are some of the statements that will enable you to make changes to the way you think and act in different situations. NLP practitioners use these statements as if they were true, and by using them begin to notice changes in the way they communicate with others. Pick one of the presuppositions that you like, and act as if it were true for 2 weeks. Notice the difference it makes to your interactions with others. Even by stopping to consider the presupposition, you will have to give yourself another choice at that moment in time, which in itself is a real breakthrough. We’ll put another presuppositions sheet on the site next month. Enjoy 1. You cannot not communicate. Even if you choose not to communicate verbally with another person, you are still sending out Non-verbal messages. These are far more powerful than any language. The other person will pick up these messages sub consciously, and interpret them according to their own map. So even when you think you’re not communicating, you really are… 2. The map is not the territory. Remember the Matrix? What’s reality? The only representation you have of the world around you is the one inside your head. There is no real. Two people can look at an object and create an internal representation of that object. Then, when they each describe it, the descriptions will not be exactly the same, colours, sizes, shapes, and textures will be different for each person. This internal representation is our map, not the real world. The key thing to acknowledge is that each person has their own map, and it is unique. When you experience an event, whether this is a communication, or experience of an action, you create your own individual map. When you say” I can see it from another persons point of view”, the chances are you really can’t. This presupposition gives you chance to explore other peoples maps, and adapt to theirs, rather than expecting them to come into yours. NLP is about changing people’s maps, and your own so that you can communicate and change more effectively. LifeChangeConnection Ltd. 07590 806380 Http://www.lifechangeconnection.com 2 3. Respect for the other person’s model of the world. This is similar to the above presupposition. Because we all have a unique map, yours will be different. By respecting the difference allows us to communicate much more effectively, and fitting into each others map rather than trying to imprint our own on the other person. The system (person) with the most flexibility of behaviour will have the most influence on the system. Flexibility is the key here. Most people will attempt a task, and if they don’t get the result they want, will carry out exactly the same actions over and over again, surprisingly getting exactly the same result over and over, except they may also be getting more and more angry or frustrated. By being flexible, and doing something different each time you approach a task, you will get different results. It’s the classic story of how Edison invented 2000 ways not to make a light bulb before finally achieving his goal. 4. The meaning of communication is the response you get This is a really powerful presupposition for accepting responsibility for your own communications, and acting on the response as feedback about your own communication, rather than the others interpretation. Sometimes we say things with good intent, and the other person gets the wrong idea, maybe getting angry, or being offended. We could just let them stay that way, but wouldn’t it be great if we could notice what was happening as we communicated, and change our own communication accordingly. This is about accepting full responsibility for our communications. 5. There is no failure only feedback. If you can truly accept feedback as it was meant, then it would help you develop and grow. The problem is most people take feedback as a personal attack, or excuse to beat themselves up internally about the task thyey have just completed. Feedback is what it says on the tin. It’s stuff that is given to you as a result of an observation by another person about something you have done/said. If you take each piece of feedback and take it on board with a view to learning from it, then it becomes a lot easier to take, and will help you to improve. Whatever you do in life, you try to be 100% successful, and sometimes it doesn’t always go right first time. The point is, unless you’ve tried, there cannot be any feedback, and no feedback means no learning, and no learning means no development…. It is better to have enough ideas for some of them to be wrong, than to be always right by having no ideas at all. Edward de Bono LifeChangeConnection Ltd. 07590 806380 Http://www.lifechangeconnection.com 3 6. Every behaviour has a positive intention. Your unconscious has a blue print for a healthy you. It won’t allow you to do anything that may result in you being harmed, either mentally or physically. Does this mean you can never come to harm, or get depressed, or think about suicide? No, as these may be choices perceived by the unconscious as appropriate at any given moment. The key thing is to accept all behaviours as having a positive intention, and acting as if they did will give you a new insight into a persons action. Sometimes this can be challenging, as the other persons behaviour may not fit in with your beliefs or values. You need to look behind the behaviour and consider what their positive intention might be. Doing this will allow you to gain a new perspective into others behaviour, and your own. 7. There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states. Sometimes people do things that you may perceive as unhelpful, or self destructive. This presupposition is similar to the one above, and assumes that everyone has all the resources they need to succeed at their everyday life. It assumes people are not “broken”. This presupposition encourages you to look for the resources in others, and yourself, and use them to achieve your outcomes. There is a story about the gods who invented humans, and were worried that humans would eventually come looking for the resources that the gods had, spiritual things. They couldn’t decide where on earth to hide the resources, until one god said “Let’s hide them inside the humans, they’ll never look there!”.