Relationships

Build relationshipsLayering the Systems : Build relationshipsLayering the Systems The Power of Parent Mentoring – Session Two

Why Personality Types : Why Personality Types Recognize our individual strengths. Seek the right gifts. Knowledge is power. Provides understanding. Aspire toward and ideal individual. Make life fluid through change. Grow in your development to get along with others. Identify weaknesses Consider the possibilities of behavior

Communication Style : Communication Style Aggressive You choose and make decisions for others. You are brutally honest. You are direct and forceful. You are self enhancing and derogatory. You’ll participate in a win-lose situation only if you’ll win. You demand your own way. You feel righteous, superior, controlling – later possibly feeling guilt. Others feel humiliated, defensive, resentful and hurt around you. Others view you in the exchange as angry, vengeful, distrustful and fearful. The outcome is usually that your goal is achieved at the expense of others. Your rights are upheld but others are violated. Your underlying belief system is that you have to put others down to protect yourself.

Communication Style : Communication Style Passive Communication You allow others to choose and make decisions for you. You are emotionally dishonest. You are indirect and self denying. You are inhibited. If you get your own way, it is by chance. You feel anxious, ignored, helpless, manipulated, angry at yourself and/or others. Others feel guilty or superior and frustrated with you. Others view you in the exchange as a pushover and that you don’t know what you want or how you stand on an issue. The outcome is that others achieve their goals at your expense. Your rights are violated. Your underlying belief is that you should never make someone uncomfortable or displeased except yourself.

Communication Style : Communication Style Passive-Aggressive Communication You manipulate others to choose your way. You appear honest but underlying comments confuse. You tend towards indirectness with the air of being direct. You are self-enhancing but not straight forward about it. In win-lose situations you will make the opponent look bad or manipulate it so you win. If you don’t get your way you’ll make snide comments or pout and be the victim. You feel confused, unclear on how to feel, you’re angry but not sure why. Later you possibly feel guilty. Others feel confused, frustrated, not sure who you are or what you stand for or what to expect next. Others view you in the exchange as someone they need to protect themselves from and fear being manipulated and controlled. The outcome is that the goal is avoided or ignored as it cause such confusion or the outcome is the same as with an aggressive or passive style. Your underlying belief is that you need to fight to be heard and respected. If that means you need to manipulate, be passive or aggressive, so be it.

Communication Style : Communication Style Assertive Communication You choose and make decisions for you. You are sensitive and caring with your honesty. You are direct. You are self-respecting, self expressive and straight forward. You convert win-lose situations to win-win ones. You are willing to compromise and negotiate. You feel confident, self-respecting, goal-oriented, valued. Later you may feel a sense of accomplishment. Others feel valued and respected. Others view you with respect, trust and understand where you stand. The outcome is determined by above-board negotiation. Your rights and others are respected. Your underlying belief is that you have a responsibility to protect your own rights. You respect others but not necessarily their behavior.

Social Orientiations : Why Teenagers act the Way They Do By Keith Olson Social Orientiations

Social Orientation : Social Orientation 1. Power-oriented 2. Competitive 3. Aggressive 4. Rebellious 5. Self-demeaning 6. Dependent 7.Conforming 8. Responsible 9. Compliant

Social Orientation : Social Orientation

Social Orientations cont. : Social Orientations cont.

Myers-Brigg Personality Typing : Nurture by Nature by Teiger and Teiger Please Understand Me by Keirsey and Bates Myers-Brigg Personality Typing

Briggs-Meyer Personality Typing : Briggs-Meyer Personality Typing

Briggs-Meyer Types cont. : Briggs-Meyer Types cont.

Briggs Meyer Types cont. : Briggs Meyer Types cont.

Love Languages : The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman Love Languages

The Five Love Languages : The Five Love Languages Physical Touch - Will you hold me? Words of Affirmation - Will you talk to me? Acts of Service - Will you do this for me? Gifts - Lets go shopping or make a project. Quality Time - Can you spend time with me?

How can you know? : How can you know? They tend to speak their own love language to others. They tend to punish others by using their own love language. Complain when you do not speak their language. If they are emotionally healthy - they usually respond quickly to you speaking their language. If they are emotionally damaged - it will take several attempts for you to affirm that you are trying to love them by speaking their language.

They Absolutely Need : Physical Touch frequent hugs caresses holding snuggling lap time They Absolutely Need Acts of Service things they value to be respected and cared for little acts of kindness Words of Affirmation verbal approval sincere compliments verbal praise loving words Gifts trinkets homemade specialties thoughtful gifts Quality Time time together one on one family time

The Enneagram : The Enneagram The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Riso and Hudson

The Enneagram : The Enneagram

Three Shapes : Three Shapes Circle Law of One Triangle Law of Three Hexad Law of Seven

Test – Group I : Test – Group I A – I have tended to be fairly independent and assertive: I’ve felt that life works best when you meet it head-on. I set my own goals, get involved, and want to make things happen. I don’t like sitting around – I want to achieve something big and have an impact. I don’t necessarily seek confrontations, but I don’t let people push me around, either. Most of the time I know what I want, and I go for it. I tend to work hard and to play hard. B – I have tended to be quiet and am used to being on my own. I usually don’t draw much attention to myself socially, and it’s generally unusual for me to assert myself all that forcefully. I don’t feel comfortable taking the lead or being as competitive as others. Many would probably say that I’m something of a dreamer – a lot of my excitement goes on in my imagination. I can be quite content without feeling I have to be active all the time. C – I have tended to be extremely responsible and dedicated. I feel terrible if I don’t keep my commitments and do what’s expected of me. I want people to know that I’m there for them and that I’ll do what I believe is best for them. I’ve often made great personal sacrifices for the sake of others, whether they know it or not. I often don’t take adequate care of myself – I do the work that needs to be done and relax (and do what I really want) if there’s time left.

Test – Group II : Test – Group II X – I am a person who usually maintains a positive outlook and feels that things will work out for the best. I can usually find something to be enthusiastic about and different ways to occupy myself. I like being around people and helping others to be happy – I enjoy sharing my own well-being with them. (I don’t always feel great, but I try not to show it to anyone.) However, staying positive has sometimes meant that I’ve put off dealing with my own problems for too long. Y – I am a person who has strong feelings about things – most people can tell when I’m unhappy about something. I can be guarded with people, but I’m more sensitive than I let on. I want to know where I stand with others and who and what I can count on – it’s pretty clear to most people where they stand with me. When I’m upset about something. I want others to respond and to get as worked up as I am. I know the rules, but I don’t want people telling me what to do. I want to decide for myself. Z – I tend to be self-controlled and logical – I am uncomfortable dealing with feelings. I am efficient – even perfectionist – and prefer working on my own. When there are problems or personal conflicts, I try not to bring my feelings into the situation. Some say I’m too cool and detached, but I don’t want my emotional reactions to distract me from what’s reallyimportant to me. I usually don’t show my reactions when others “get to me.”

The Nine Types : The Nine Types

The Normal Look of Scholar Phase : The Normal Look of Scholar Phase Personality Matters Painful Joyful They want to quit and do something else. They love the transformation. Failure Success