Covenant Treasure Institute
ORDINANCES
LESSON 2, THE FUNERAL
By Rev. Jerry Edmon
Should you ever be called upon to do a funeral service there are several things that you need to know before you get there.
NEVER USE A FUNERAL TO TRY TO PROVE WHAT YOU BELIEVE. You are called to comfort and bring closure for the family. It is not for the individual who has died; it is for those who remain. You are not there for your benefit, you are there for others. Stay away from controversy.
Meet with one of the members of the family in advance to find out as much as possible about the deceased. What kind of person were they? What were their hobbies? What were they most known for? These are things that you want to incorporate into your sermon.
Make sure the church is helping with a dinner of some kind for the family who has gathered. Become a servant to them.
Meet with the family on the day they all gather just before the funeral. Don’t dominate the conversation. Before you leave, ask if you could pray for the family. Comply with their wishes. Don’t pray a long prayer. Pray for comfort, unity and love to be seen in this family. Don’t ride in the family care unless they ask you to.
If you have to deal with hostilities it is usually something like, “Why would God let something like this happen?” Don’t try to defend God. Don’t try to make excuses for the death. Sometimes all you can say is, “I don’t know.” Be as affectionate and warm as they are comfortable with.
Never make a statement like: “God can give you another child,” or “You have to get over this or it will affect your future”….. They don’t want another child and they don’t care about the future. They are broken now. And only time can heal that. If you feel compelled to something, make it something like, “I don’t understand all of this, but I am here with you and we are going to get through this.”
Get with the funeral director in advance and he will be able to help in many ways. Work with him, not independent of him. He will give you the obituary. Let him know if you have a plan for the order of the service. Some funeral directors will give you a form to fill out concerning the order of the service. If you do the sermon, you can ask someone else to the obituary, or you can do it yourself.
Find out if any of the family wants to say anything. Don’t push for it, but if they do, it is closure for them. Ask the family what they want; music, poems or scripture. Keep the sermon brief. A long sermon is a mistake at a funeral.
EXAMPLE OF A FUNERAL MESSAGE
On behalf of the family, I have the honor of welcoming you as we take part in this memorial service and celebration of the life of ______________________. I think to most people she was lovingly referred to as ________________________. We are here today to reflect on her life, laughter, hopes and dreams and to give thanks for the precious gift that she was to all of us.
I listened to everyone’s description of her. I heard words like “caring, giving, encouraging, a great sense of humor,” ... etc.
She had the rare ability to be a mother to everyone she met. In an uncommon way, she provided a reference point for those she came in contact with as they sorted out their own lives.
Well, this week, heaven became a little bit sweeter and closer to our own hearts, because our friend, ___________________, went home to be with Jesus. Today we celebrate her inauguration into the presence of God.
Give a scripture reference or story from the bible. If there is another book like Pilgrim’s Progress, you can fit that in there. Use other scripture references like I Thessalonians 4:13, Philippians 1:23, II Corinthians 5:8 or II Samuel 12:23.
End on a positive note, like, “Let’s make this time of her death end in victory. Allow the God that she knew and trusted to comfort you and come into your heart. (Tell them that if someone wants to invite Jesus into their heart, to do it when you pray).
After the sermon, step up to the casket and be prepared to greet and comfort those who come by to view the body. Your facial expression is very important. Look interested, concerned, but not heavy. Keep a pleasant smile on your face. A smile that says to the family, “everything is going to be all right.”
After the people view the body, all that will remains is the family. Read a scripture to them and give some comfort. So that they do not see the lid of the casket closing, as them to bow their heads in prayer and wile you are praying, the funeral director can close the lid. This can be a traumatic time for a lot of people.
At the graveside, keep it brief. Sing a hymn and read a scripture. Take a flower off the casket and give it to the head of the family. Shake hands with those family members in the special seating and tell them to contact you if they need to. If possible, be the last person to leave.
In the next day or so, keep tabs on the family with a telephone call or visit. If they’re grieving, take a book that might help address their need and leave it with them. They should be contracted several times over the next couple of months. Be sure they are plugged into the care unit of the church. Widows/widowers often need your comfort and encouragement on a regular basis for at least a year’s time.
TEST REVIEW
Ordinances, Lesson 2, The Funeral
The purpose of the funeral is to _______________________________________ to the family.
True or False: NEVER use a funeral to try to prove what you believe. ______________
Meet with a family member in advance to __________________ as much as possible about the deceased.
Ask the __________ if they want anything, _________________________, during the service.
Be sure to meet with the family __________________________ the funeral.
Before leaving, be sure to __________________ with the family.
True or False: Always ride in the family car to the cemetery, whether you’re invited or not._____________
How would you handle family members who are hostile and angry because of the death of the loved one? ___________________________________________________________________
Get with the ___________________________ before the funeral and he/she will be able to help you in many ways.
Always let the funeral director know your ____________________________ of the service.
If someone assists you in the funeral service, they will usually be doing the _______________.
Find out if a ___________________________ wants to say something.
Keep your sermon ___________________.
After the sermon, step to the ____________________ in order to greet those who come by to view the body.
In order to keep the family from having to see the lowering of the coffin lid, ask them to ____________________________________________________________________________.
At the graveside, remember to keep it _____________________.
If possible, be the _____________________ one to leave the cemetery.
You should ______________________ the family within a day or two after the service.
Sometimes it helps to bring them a ________________ on the subject of grief.
Widows and widowers usually feel grief keenly for a _____________________.
Remember, Jesus was anointed to ____________________ the broken-hearted.