Being Asseretive

Slide 1 : THE ART OF BEING ASSERTIVE

Slide 2 : Assertiveness is not about trying to Dominate others

FOUR BEHAVIOURS : FOUR BEHAVIOURS

Slide 4 : Aggressive Manipulative Assertive Area of choice Area of no choice Passive 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 4

PASSIVE : PASSIVE Offering no opposition ; submissive. This communicates a message of inferiority Here the person acts like a doormat, downplaying their own needs and willing to fit in with the wishes of others in order to keep the peace at any price. It may be accompanied by general passivity, nervousness and a lack of eye contact.

AGGRESSIVE : AGGRESSIVE Forceful and offensive. Attack without provocation. This always communicates an impression of superiority and disrespect.   This may occur where a person is trying to impose their views inappropriately on others, and it may be accompanied by threatening language and an angry, glaring expression.

MANIPULATIVE : MANIPULATIVE This typically occurs where a person seeks to ingratiate themself with another through flattery and other forms of deceit. It may be accompanied by cloying over-attention and a simpering, smarmy voice 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 7

ASSERTIVENESS : ASSERTIVENESS State clearly and forthright. Is the ability to express yourself and your rights in an open, non-confrontational way.

Slide 9 : The key to assertiveness is clear, open and honest discussion that does not blame, ridicule or put other people down.

Slide 10 : 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 10

WORK SITUATION : WORK SITUATION Your boss finds an error in your work and scolds you in front of your colleagues. Your boss criticizes you unjustly in private. You know your standard of work to be very high possibly better than most in your section- but your boss is critical of you. Your boss by-passes you and admonishes one of your staff for errors committed. You feel your colleague is possessive of information which you need to complete your job. You are asked to take on additional work, although you are working to full capacity now. A customer/client is rude and abusive to you on the telephone. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 11

AT HOME : AT HOME Your spouse persists in a habit which annoys you. Your family wants a holiday/travel to Hill Station but you wanted a pilgrimage. Your spouse accepts an offer for dinner from your relative and you would prefer not to accept. After asking opinion from your spouse on purchase of certain household furniture, you want to buy your choice. Your children do not do enough to help in the house. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 12

GENERAL SITUATIONS : GENERAL SITUATIONS You buy a shirt from a market trader. After one wash, it shrinks to a third of its original size. A colleague persists in asking questions about your private life which you would prefer not to talk about. You are about to begin a meal in a restaurant. A man at the next table, lights up a cigarette Someone pushes in front of you in a queue. You don’t like to give your motorcycle to anyone nor do u like to take the motorbike of any of your friends. A friend makes a request for using your motorbike for an hour . Someone telephones just as you are sitting down to a meal. A friend/relative asks to borrow some money from you. You need to ask for the repayment of money you lent to a friend of yours. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 13

ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUE : ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUE OVERVIEW

ASSERTIVENESS --START : ASSERTIVENESS --START Thinking assertively Feeling confident Behaving positively 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 15

MOST IMPORTANT : MOST IMPORTANT EYE CONTACT 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 16

ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUE : ASSERTIVENESS TECHNIQUE Creating self esteem Communication - Your voice and language Communication - Body language Persistency - Broken record and workable compromise Handling Criticism – Fogging and Negative assertion 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 17

CREATING SELF ESTEEM : CREATING SELF ESTEEM WHAT IS SELF ESTEEM?

SELF ESTEEM : SELF ESTEEM Look at your personalities Be conscious of your abilities Feel proud of your achievements 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 19

CREATING SELF ESTEEM : CREATING SELF ESTEEM Complete the following with a positive statement about a personal quality, attribute or achievement Examples I am knowledgeable about Local market I can identify potential customers I think I am good in communication I believe in my judgment about people 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 20

CREATING SELF ESTEEM : CREATING SELF ESTEEM I am I can I think I believe 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 21

COMMUNICATION : COMMUNICATION VOICE AND LANGUAGE

ASSERTIVE WORD CHOICE : ASSERTIVE WORD CHOICE Use “I” statements rather than “You” statements. Use factual descriptions instead of judgments or exaggerations. Express thoughts , feelings , and opinions reflecting ownership Use clear , direct requests or directives when you want others to do something , rather than hinting , being indirect , or presuming 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 23

“I” STATEMENTS : “I” STATEMENTS You always interrupt my talk. I would like to explain without interruption. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 24

FACTUAL DESCRIPTIONS : FACTUAL DESCRIPTIONS If you don’t change your attitude, you are going to be in real trouble. If you continue to arrive late , I will be required to place you under suspension. If you do not score good marks, I will not support your higher education. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 25

REFLECT OWNERSHIP : REFLECT OWNERSHIP He makes me angry by coming late. I get angry when he comes late. The only sensible policy is to match the competition. I believe matching the competition is the best policy. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 26

CLEAR AND DIRECT : CLEAR AND DIRECT Would you mind taking this to Mr. Ram Will you please take this to Mr. Ram Please take this to Mr. Ram Why don’t you stop on the way home and pick up vegetables? Will you please pick up vegetables on your way home? Please pick up vegetables on your way home. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 27

DO’S : DO’S Be respectful, realistic and honest Express preferences and priorities Express feelings honestly Say no politely and firmly 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 28

DON’TS : DON’TS Don’t say “I can’t” or I won’t be able to” Don’t depersonalize feelings or deny ownership Don’t exaggerate, minimise , or use sarcasm. Don’t defer to be sociable or agree unwillingly 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 29

Slide 30 : 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 30

COMMUNICATION : COMMUNICATION BODY LANGUAGE

BODY LANGUAGE : BODY LANGUAGE Voice tone Volume Pace Eye contact Facial expression Gestures Movements Posture Muscle tension Clothing Hair style Eye glasses 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 32

BODY LANGUAGE : BODY LANGUAGE P0STURES

Slide 34 : 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 34

BODY LANGUAGE : BODY LANGUAGE GESTURES

Slide 36 : 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 36

BODY LANGUAGE : BODY LANGUAGE FACIAL EXPRESSION

Slide 38 : 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 38

Dominance/Power : Dominance/Power Making piercing eye contact Putting hands behind head or neck Placing hands on hips Standing while counterpart is seated Steepling 2/7/2009 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services 39

Submission/Nervousness : Submission/Nervousness Fidgetting Making minimum eye contact Touching hands to face , hair etc Using briefcase to “guard” body Clearing throat 2/7/2009 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services 40

Disagreement/Anger : Disagreement/Anger Getting red Pointing a finger Squinting Turning body away Crossing arms or legs 2/7/2009 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services 41

Boredom and Lack of Interest : Boredom and Lack of Interest Failing to make eye contact Playing with objects Staring blankly Picking at clothes Looking at watch/door 2/7/2009 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services 42

Uncertainty/Indecision : Uncertainty/Indecision Cleaning glasses Looking puzzled Putting fingers to mouth Biting lip Tilting head 2/7/2009 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services 43

Suspicion/Dishonesty : Suspicion/Dishonesty Touching nose while speaking Covering mouth Avoiding eye contact Crossing arms/legs Moving body away 2/7/2009 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services 44

Confidence, Cooperation and Honesty : Confidence, Cooperation and Honesty Leaning forward Keeping arms and palms open Maintaining great eye contact Placing feet flat on floor Sitting with legs uncrossed Smiling 2/7/2009 The Art of Negotiating Advesh Consultancy Services 45

PERSISTENCY : PERSISTENCY BROKEN RECORD AND WORKABLE COMPROMISE

BROKEN RECORD : BROKEN RECORD A SKILL THAT BY CALM REPETITION- SAYING WHAT YOU WANT OVER AND OVER AGAIN- TEACHES PERSISTENCE WITHOUT YOU HAVING TO REHEARSE ARGUMENTS OR ANGRY FEELINGS.

WORKABLE COMPROMISE : WORKABLE COMPROMISE WHENEVER YOU FEEL THAT YOUR SELF RESPECT IS NOT IN QUESTION, OFFER A WORKABLE COMPROMISE TO THE OTHER PERSON.

SAY “NO” : SAY “NO” On a Sunday morning, your brother in law comes home and asks for your motorbike for his use for a day. You don’t want to give. One of your friends asks for a loan of Rs 1000. You have cash with you and your friend is aware of it. You need to refuse. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 49

HANDLING CRITICISM : HANDLING CRITICISM FOGGING NEGATIVE ASSERTION

CRITICISM : CRITICISM Usually people react to criticism by avoiding it, taking it to heart or reacting aggressively to it. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 51

TIPS TO HANDLE CRITICISM : TIPS TO HANDLE CRITICISM Face and listen to criticism rather than avoid it. Don't take it to heart. React calmly and respect others rights, there is no point attacking the person.Be prepared for constructive criticism.This does not include blaming, put-downs or attempting to hurt someone to get what you want. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 52

FOGGING : FOGGING A SKILL THAT TEACHES ACCEPTANCE OF MANIPULATIVE CRITICISM BY CALMLY ACKNOWLEDGING TO YOUR CRITIC THE PROBABILITY THAT THERE MAY BE SOME TRUTH IN WHAT HE SAYS, YET ALLOWS YOU TO REMAIN YOUR OWN JUDGE OF WHAT YOU DO. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 53

FOGGING : FOGGING Requires some self-control Stay calm in the face of criticism, and agreeing with whatever may be fair and useful in it. By refusing to be provoked and upset by criticism, you remove its destructive power. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 54

NEGATIVE ASSERTION : NEGATIVE ASSERTION A SKILL THAT TEACHES ACCEPTANCE OF YOUR ERRORS AND FAULTS WITHOUT HAVING TO APOLOGISE BY STRONGLY AGREEING WITH CRITICISM OF YOUR NEGATIVE QUALITIES. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 55

Your boss criticises you for something that you know without a doubt you didn’t do : Your boss criticises you for something that you know without a doubt you didn’t do

A new member of your Team is critical of your Department and always tell “we in Company X would do like this” : A new member of your Team is critical of your Department and always tell “we in Company X would do like this”

Your neighbour keeps TV volume very high and it irritates you. : Your neighbour keeps TV volume very high and it irritates you.

You have to send your monthly sales report and you were waiting for some information from Accounts for you to complete. There is delay in getting the information and the person is attending to some other unimportant work : You have to send your monthly sales report and you were waiting for some information from Accounts for you to complete. There is delay in getting the information and the person is attending to some other unimportant work

assert : assert • Listen - understand, put yourself in others' shoes and ask for clarification.• Keep calm - deep breaths, take your time, and allow others to express their feelings. • Be prepared - stick to facts. • Compromise - try and find a "win-win" solution. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 60

assert : assert Remember that just because someone says something you don't have to believe it. Put a stop to the put-down as soon as possible. Choose to leave the situation. This might take persistence, being open to negotiation or compromise and having the ability to ask for and accept constructive criticism. 7 February 2009 Advesh Consultancy Services 61